When You Just Can’t

I’m not perfect. I’ve never claimed to be, I don’t strive to be nor will I ever be perfect.

In fact, I’m a mess.

It’s easy to blog on the good days when my mood is high, I’m making from scratch meals, my kids are happily playing together, my marriage is rock solid and by all appearances, I’ve got life figured out.

But those days are mixed in between the super real, in your face, hard days.

The days when I’m depressed, my kids are eating cereal for dinner and I’ve yelled at them so much they start calling me “scary mom”. The days when I put the babies to bed an hour early because I just can’t handle them anymore. The days when meeting my husband’s needs is not just on the bottom of my priority list but is so far below sea level that you would need deep sea diving gear to even find it.

This is one of those days.

I don’t know why I get bad days. I’m sure it’s a combination of hormones, binge eating, staying up too late watching Netflix and not getting exercise. I’m sure it’s because of the stress of homeschooling 3 kids while 2 other little ones interrupt every attempt to tell the story of Julius Caesar or explain the parts of a cell.

Maybe it’s because of the stress from anticipating the potential dangers of Hurricane Harvey that ended up being nothing but a light misting of rain in my neighborhood but then watching the news and my Facebook feed to see how many people were truly devastated by the rain. 

Maybe it’s just because I’m a sinner, I’m screwed up, messed up and need the love and mercy of my Jesus to get me through.

I wish I could give you a list of scriptures and inspired words that helped me get through my funk today, but the truth is, I’m still in it. I’ve read my Bible, listened to an audiobook about being a mission minded mother, went to the gym for an hour and ate a healthy home cooked dinner but I’m still in a funk.

Friends, I need grace. And I might not be the only one. Life is hard, our bodies are imperfect and our emotions are a beast to be tamed. Sometimes we just need to be real with each other and say what’s up.

We tend to be social and chatty when things are good but when life gets tough, we don’t want anyone to know so we hide out at home and suffer through it. That’s exactly what the enemy of our hope wants us to do! When we isolate ourselves, we wallow in our pain and listen to our negative self-talk and the constant stream of lies of the enemy and there’s no one there to shake us back to reality.

Yes, life can hand out double portions (sometimes quadruple portions) of suffering but the promise, the truth, the hope we have is Jesus. We are not alone and He is merciful to forgive us when we screw up and to love us at all times, in all circumstances and without wavering.

So in summary, life is tough, don’t do it alone… Jesus.